If you are currently in foster care or know someone that is please pass this article along. As many of you now know after my recent appearance on Oprah’s “Where Are They Now”. I went into foster care at age 13. Having lived in 7 different foster homes I have a broad perspective on surviving what will no doubt be a life changing circumstance. For any child it is a traumatic experience to be displaced from your home. But for a teen it can be even more difficult. Often times teens are not adopted and live most of there years in group homes. Having these tips will give you a good chance to surviving the system.
1. Don’t Shut Down
You have just been ripped from all that you know. Stranger after stranger is asking you personal questions about your life, parents and family. The natural response may be to shut down. Unfortunately, your cooperation is key at this point. The more you use your voice and can clearly explain what you are feeling and need the better your chances will be to impact what will happen next.
2. Build a Relationship
You will or have been assigned a social worker and maybe even a counselor. They are often and unfortunately overworked and underpaid. They have loads of kids on their case load. Don’t let those hours spent going back and forth to court, appointments and visitations be wasted. The truth is you really need him/her on your side. Try to open up. Be polite and build a friendship. They will go to bat for you even more if you get along.
3. Get Creative
A lot is happening. Nothing seems real for very long. One minute you’re here the next minute you’re there. But having a creative outlet will give you personal stability. For me it was writing poetry. Maybe for you it’s singing, dancing, drawing. Be sure that it’s something you can do anywhere. This will also serve as a way to relieve anger or emotions in a healthy manner instead of on the people around you.
4. Create Goals
This is a lesson I learned a little too late. However, it proved useful when I did. Creating a list of 3 to 5 goals that you want for your life may keep you focused now and in the future. It’s important that you know that like school, foster care will only be a part of your life for a moment in a life time. There will come a time when you are an adult in society. Focus on what you want for your future. If you aren’t sure set small goals that you would like to reach within a year. For example; “to be happy, to have higher self esteem, to get good grades.” When you have reached those goals make another list.
5. Don’t Give Up!
Guess what? You rock! God made you because you matter. The world wouldn’t be the same without you. Life is hard and foster care can sometimes be a good example of that. But don’t give up. The saying “This to Shall Pass” is true. Believe it. Every morning stand in front of the mirror and say 3 awesome things about yourself to yourself. And anytime you hear something negative try to say something positive (in your head if you have to). I remember feeling alone many times but I kept telling my self ” You’ll make it and then you’ll make a difference.” YOU WILL TOO!
Living and Forgiving 